If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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