I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
