do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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