I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
