dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
