So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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