if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
