Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
