in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
