New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize