Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The air taste purple.
Randomize
