Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
