Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
