If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
