I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
