I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
