That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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