mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
