wrigley field is MILF paradise
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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