He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize