This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
