ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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