Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
