There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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