My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
