i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
