i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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