you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
