Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
