it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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