I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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