I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
