I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
