I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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