everyone is single if you try hard enough
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
