didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
