it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
