The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
