Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize