Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
