drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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