I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
