remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
