I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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