I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
