first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
