Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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