She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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