Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
