she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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