i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
