I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize