I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
