Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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