My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
