Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
