Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
