I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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