I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
