six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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