The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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