just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
