i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
