You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
