Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
