Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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