I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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