arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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